Snoo Baby has decided that his favorite place to sleep is right on top of the printer.
Every time that I tried to sit down and write this post, something about the empty textbox would give me a little pang of anxiety. I felt stuck. No words could patter out from my finger tips. I just stared and stared at the great nothing as the cursor blinked its impatient toe-tap, only to eventually give up, open a new tab, and distract myself by scrolling reddit or refreshing the KCZC application spreadsheet and watching the number of potential tablers tick up and up and up.
After a few days of encountering this frustrating block, I gave up on typing. I grabbed my journal and the inkiest green Foray Rollé rollerball pen and let myself write out my April favorites in list-form. Something about putting pen to page lets the words flow so much easier, and writing a list takes away the intimidation of crafting prose. So, without further ado, here is what brought me joy in April:
Visiting Phoenix 🌸 days of rain and days of gentle sunshine 🌸 “True Crime Wave” by Hex Code 🌸 SINNERS (holy shit — this movie! is everything! that one scene! oh my god!) 🌸 bagel sandwiches 🌸 finally feeling better after a month of feeling sick and sluggish 🌸 game nights 🌸 providence pizza 🌸 fuck-off days (but only every once in a while) 🌸 when Snoo sleeps on the printer 🌸 watching The Amazing Race on Wednesdays with Tom 🌸 paper flowers 🌸 “Jawbone” by Crybaby Jones 🌸 books that are so good that they make me cry (“Hollow Kingdom” by Kira Jane Buxton) 🌸 the Heard Museum in Phoenix 🌸 Linda’s yoga classes and her soothing vibes 🌸 episodes of podcasts that make me feel all the zinester feelings 🌸 spring walks 🌸 Anna Akhmatova 🌸 jogging 🌸 tomato seedlings 🌸 the gentle patter of rain on the concrete 🌸 when Ruby gets really talkative 🌸 “no thumbs!” 🌸 penpal letters 🌸 yesterday, as I was biking to yoga, I looked up at the trees on the edge of campus and was struck by just how green and full and big and beautiful they were 🌸 new planner pages in my old mint green planner 🌸 hey arnold! 🌸 “Our Fantasies” zine-comp by Sheer Spite Press 🌸 wasted ink zine distro 🌸 lil’ local donut shops 🌸 getting shit done 🌸 the Danielle Cain series by Margaret Killjoy 🌸 “Big Symmetry” by Pet Symmetry (which I got to spin early, thanks to being a part of the Asian Man Records Vinyl Club) 🌸 riding my bike up hills 🌸 feeling my muscles ache (positive) 🌸 “What’s Another Night”, the new Apes of the State album 🌸 being reminded by my body that it is okay to slow down and it is okay to be at rest 🌸 zine club 🌸 kczc planning 🌸 the peonies are growing back, despite my annual doubts that they would 🌸 super vivid dreams 🌸 mutual aid 🌸 homemade crunchwraps 🌸 sanrio stickers
My altar, adorned for May
witchy shit
I refreshed my altar for May Day, anointing it with a misting of the boundary protection potion that I got from Neely years and years ago. I dressed it in a crepe de chine scarf, hand-dyed with cochineal, and purple-blooming sage, ground ivy, and droopy roses from the garden, plus some dried orchids, tucking in special stones amongst the blossoms, rose quartz and green fluorite and serpentine. I cleared the ashes of last month’s spells from the cauldron and laid down a new layer of salt, anointed with patchouli, black pepper, and lime oils, plus peppercorns and dried sage and a pinch of pink salt. The spell ends with lighting my rabbit candle, jinx removing, good luck for the days ahead, and drawing a card from the Next World tarot: the Knight of Swords.
On Saturday, I tabled Mutual Aid Day at Goofball, selling my zines and baubles and stationary. Lots of people picked up my Twin Peaks Tarot minizine set, and I talked with one person about using tarot to guide our way through these turbulent times. They remarked how they’ve felt drawn to the Next World tarot lately, and YES! SAME! The Next World Tarot has been resonating so, so deeply with me, mirroring these weird apocalyptic times in its words and art and wisdom. We talked about how Christy Road Carrera’s art helps us imagine the future that could be so that we are able to build it in the present, and I had just finished reading the Fantasies comp from Sheer Spite press so my mind immediately latched onto something that Lee says in the intro: “I think there is a lot to be said for having concrete, specific, richly imagined dreams to point ourselves toward. Writing on the politics of prefiguration asks us how we can begin, moment by moment, to build the world we desire inside the current one.” The Next World tarot is a form of this prefiguration. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has felt this deck resonate right now, and this shared experience makes it feel that much more right.
zine corner
Last month, I published a very, very silly mini-zine called Fake Names for Cute Creatures. I won’t be putting it in the shop, but will send along copies of it to my pen pals next time I write. I also worked on catmothcrow no. 3 (which I had planned to finish at the start of the month, but was waylaid by sickness), published another episode of First Impression Zine Reviews on my channel, and helped my friend Greta archive the mini zines that were made at last October’s A Kansas City Anarchist Bookfair. My essay “Reinventing Zine Fests” was published in the aforementioned “Our Fantasies” comp from Sheer Spite Press, an anthology capturing the daydreams of over 70 different authors. Amongst the woolgathered wishes are dreams for a better world, sexy longings, and visions of cozy cottage homes and elaborate feasts. My submission explores what the perfect zine fest might be like, in the vein of (my favorite song ever) “Reinventing Axel Rose” by Against Me!
In May, I’m damn determined to finish catmothcrow no. 3, publish the first issue of my newsletter, and prepare for the return of the Roll for Zine series. What projects are you looking forward to finishing this month?
